we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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