I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
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Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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