I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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