GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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