at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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