cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just lost a toe
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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