I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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