Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am mentally ready for anal.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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