I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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