We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
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[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This baby is an asshole
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I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize