my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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