thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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