I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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