I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize