I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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