we're chasing vodka with high fives
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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