I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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