we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize