So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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