well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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