paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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