i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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