my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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