And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize