I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize