Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize