First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
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Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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