I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
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id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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