I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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