i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
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No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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