I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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