haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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