can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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