A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
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I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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