am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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