it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
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so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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