Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
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the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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