Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
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I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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