remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
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I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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