I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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