is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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