Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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