My hand turned me down
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
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I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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