I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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