Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
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How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You don't make any sense
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