Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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