well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize