I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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