Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
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I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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