I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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